An Angel's Lament to the Righteous Man
by Sparky4077
Summary: AU-ish  alternate season 6 . "He felt the heartache and pain; all the emotions angels shouldn't feel. But he did, every single one." Death-fic.


First fanfic, so go easy. Written pretty quickly, so please excuse any spelling and grammatical errors (or plot holes). Be advised the characters are a bit OOC too, because I'm still getting the hang of characterizing characters that already exist.

(song list: Not Alone-RED, Anthem of the Angels-Breaking Benjamin, Remember-Dommin)

Note: I don't own any characters, except for the obvious additional character.

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><p><strong>An Angel's Lament to the Righteous Man<strong>

_Prologue_

When he saved the righteous man from Hell, Castiel would never had guessed the bond they would share. Dean Winchester was his charge, but no angel had ever become so close with humans before him. They were friends, and they were brothers. The angel often reminisced about his connection to the Winchesters, but his thoughts always turned to Dean in particular. Their bond was stronger, deeper; something Castiel had yet to experience. It was more than the sense of loyalty and brotherhood he shared with his brothers and sisters in Heaven, it was stronger.

Dean of course, was oblivious. Castiel made sure of that. He knew the strains on his charge, he knew his fears and traumas, and his pain, but could never embrace them, protect him from his darker self. He tried, of course. To help and defend his charge, to his dying breathe a couple times. The eldest Winchester rarely displayed the gratitude Castiel would have appreciated, but he felt it, even without words.

After Castiel had entered the war in Heaven, he had less time with the Winchesters. Trying to overpower Raphael and his followers was daunting, and though his numbers were strong, and end seemed nowhere in sight. Castiel had also failed to consider how his connections to the Winchesters put them at risk. Only when the angels finally found them did he realize...

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><p>Dean had a motel room to himself for a week now. Sam was in South Dakota hunting with Bobby after Dean had specifically requested a break. He was tired, and somewhere along the way he felt he needed out, just for a while. He'd even called Cas down at one point just to talk, which was a little difficult with an Angel of the Lord, especially one waging a war above.<p>

He rolled over on the motel bed, restlessly staring into the darkness. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and trying to clear his head. He lay for a few minutes before he heard a gentle flutter of wings behind him.

He sighed in annoyance. "Cas, come on, I'm exhausted, and don't you-?" He turned to see a stranger standing a few feet from him. Dean jumped off the bed, grabbing for his gun tucked under his pillow. "Who the hell are you?"

The man, young and clad in a simple black suit, smirked, head bowed. "Put the gun down, boy, it won't work. I've got wings."

_Angel, damn it. _Dean lowered his gun. "Who are you and what do you want?"

The angel took a step closer, causing Dean to flinch away. "Name's Farael. Raphael's second in command, so to speak. Nice to finally meet the human who stopped Armageddon."

There was a cold bitterness in his voice that made Dean shudder. This angel was a higher-up; powerful. He was screwed.

"Now," Farael continued, slowly beginning to circle Dean. "I understand you know Castiel, don't you?"

The mention of his friends name made Dean's eyes widen slightly. His mind jumped to the thought of Cas getting ass-reamed by the angels again. He shuddered but kept his eyes of the angel in front of him.

Farael smiled. "I take it you do. Can't seem to catch up to him. He did however make a mistake, coming here to talk to you."

"You followed him here, didn't you?" Dean said, and he was reminded of the carvings on his ribs that hid him from angels. They could however follow another angel. Dean took another moment to feel relieved that Cas still seemed to be safe. "What do you want?"

The angel took a deep breath, eyes to the ceiling for a moment and holding his hands behind his back. "Castiel has a... bond to you. I understand it's quite something for a human and angel to become so...intimate."

Dean scoffed. "I'm not dating the guy."

Farael, to Dean's surprise, smirked back. "No, maybe not. But you are his charge; the righteous man he raised from perdition. He'd do and has done a fair amount to keep you safe."

Afraid of where this may be leading, Dean paused. "I guess he has, yeah." Something about how Farael had described his and Cas' interactions made him think differently of the angel. Cas really had stuck with him as long as he could, fighting for and with them. Dean felt a wave of regret that he'd never displayed his appreciation. It was just who he was; he hunted, no questions asked, no 'heart-to-heart' moments Sam had tried to have with him, nothing. Dean snapped out of his thoughts to see Farael much closer, leaning into his space. Dean stiffened and leaned away slightly.

"You seem to be Castiel's favourite." Farael said, making Dean turn to him with a look of confusion and annoyance.

"Look, Cas isn't here. I got no idea where he is, so you mind flying off back to your cloud?"

The reaction was immediate and startling. In one swift move, Dean felt Farael's hand gripping his throat and he was slammed into the wall, his feet a few inches off the floor. Dean choked for air as he was lifted further off the ground. His thoughts swirled and he did the first thing he could think of doing.

"...Cas... please, Cas..." he choked out, Farael closing his hand even tighter.

Farael chuckled. "No, no. I'm here for you, Dean. We want Castiel too, of course, but you just make it...easier."

Neither of them heard the flutter of wings. "Farael!"

Castiel had heard Dean's impeded cries for help and had flown at a new speed to reach his endangered charge. What he found was Raphael's commander choking the human breath from his lungs.

Farael turned his eyes on Castiel. "Glad you could make it, Castiel, but I'm afraid we need to move this somewhere more private." Farael waved his hand as Castiel stepped forward, sending him into the opposite wall and crumbling to the floor. Dean struggled for consciousness but received none as Farael touched his fingers to his head, and Dean went limp in his grasp.

Farael let the human down and turned to Castiel once again, the younger angel leaning against the wall. "Raphael sends his regards."

With a rush of wind, Farael and Dean were gone, leaving Castiel alone in the motel room, his head swimming. He'd failed to protect his charge, and now the angels had him. Now _Raphael _had him.

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><p>Castiel had spent a week trying on his own to track Farael down. He knew when he began it was a foolish way to try and find Dean, because Farael was much stronger than him; he would only be found if he wanted to be found. He felt a new feeling of dread, thinking of what Raphael and Farael would do to Dean, all because of him. His charge had faced the wrath of Hell, and now he was to feel the wrath of Heaven. Castiel knew what that could be like, angel or no.<p>

Heaven was his only option now. Castiel knew why they'd taken his charge, and he knew who he had to face to get him back. Part of him knew Raphael was waiting for him to show up, that there was a reason for his actions. He found the archangel in his borrowed Heaven again, this time he was alone. Castiel didn't have much trouble getting there.

He found Raphael sitting in a lounge chair facing away from him. "I want Dean Winchester."

Raphael chuckled from his seat. "Castiel, nice of you to see me. I would prefer you use more respect than that when speaking to me, however."

Castiel clenched his fists. "Where is he?"

This time the archangel rose form is chair and faced him. "He's with Farael. I'm still trying to figure it out." He approached Castiel. "How could you hold such...devotion to a human like him?" Castiel remained silent, eyes following Raphael as he came closer.

"But then," Raphael continued. "It's more than that, isn't it, Castiel? It's not just devotion."

This made Castiel falter. "What?"

Raphael chuckled. "You feel, don't you? More than loyalty and trust, you feel with a passion no angel has ever felt. This human means more to you than anything. Maybe even more than God."

Castiel had no response. He couldn't deny how he felt, but was it so strong? Was this feeling he had for Dean one of love? He couldn't truly understand the emotion as an angel, could he? Perhaps he had more to learn, and perhaps Raphael was right. Whatever the case, he would fight through the Holy Host to save Dean.

Raphael backed away, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his vessel's suit. "I'll take you to him. He's on earth, not far from where we found him, actually."

Castiel looked around when the room changed and it was dark. He stood on a dirty old concrete floor of a large building. The darkness was illuminated only by thin shafts of light from holes in the roof. Raphael wandered off into the darkness, Castiel hesitantly following. He kept his eyes on his surroundings, his thoughts only on finding his charge.

"He's there." Raphael waved a hand to the far wall of the building.

Castile looked up and was pained by the sight. Dean hung from rusted chains around raw and bruised wrists, his head lolled to one side. Blood matted one side of his face, and a couple bruised lined his jaw. His shirt had blood stains from what Castiel assumed were knife cuts. He was barely conscious. In a flurry of wings, Castiel wasted no time and was by his side, gently lifting Dean's head to try and meet his eyes.

"...Cas...?" Dean mumbled, his throat raw.

Castiel took his head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together in a gesture of comfort. " It's alright Dean, I'm here. I'm so sorry."

Another voice came from behind him. "He screamed for hours." Castiel turned his head to see Farael standing behind Raphael proudly, dry blood on his hands. "He screamed more than I've heard anyone scream. For his brother, but mostly for you, Castiel. He kept on yelling your name until he gave up, thinking you weren't coming for him."

Castiel cringed. "I will destroy you, Farael."

From his sleeve fell the gleaming angel blade, and he charged the other angel, who instinctively summoned his own blade into existence. Castiel noticed as their blades connected that Farael's had blood on it; human blood.

"I told you, he screamed for you as I dug this straight through to his soul." Farael smirked, spinning away from another one of Castiel's swings. The younger angel was driven by his emotions now, a dangerous thing he'd been told never to do. He paid for it. In one swift movement he was tossed into the wall with an audible _crack, _his angel sword sliding out of his grasp.

Raphael stood over him as he sat up on the floor. "Enough, Castiel." He bent down to pick up the angel blade, and Castiel stiffened on the ground. The way Raphael eyed the sword told him his death was coming. Castiel had assumed he had been brought here to negotiate, but he was just here to die, along with the charge he failed to protect.

"Stand up, Castiel." Raphael demanded, dropping the blade to his side.

Castiel slowly dragged himself to his feet, eyes moving between the two angels in the room and Dean's unconscious form. "If you wish to kill me, I suggest you be swift."

Surprisingly, Raphael scoffed. "I'm not going to kill you, Castiel. Not yet, anyways. I brought you here to talk." Behind him, Farael approached Dean, his sword held tightly in his hand.

"Do not harm him," Castiel threatened.

Farael stopped in front of the human, ignoring Castiel, and dragged his knife over Dean's neck and down his torso. It didn't draw blood, but it made Castiel stiffen.

"Your numbers are dwindling, Castiel." Raphael said. "Even with the weapons of Heaven, you are weak. You are condemning your brothers and sisters to death as they fight alongside you. What's more, your _love_ for Dean Winchester have put him in danger as well."

Castiel dropped his gaze at the word 'love'. He couldn't comprehend what else he felt for him anymore; Raphael was right. "What is it you want?"

"A deal." Raphael said simply. He moved to stand beside Farael. "You stand down in Heaven," he grabbed Dean's chin and forced his head up. "I release your beloved charge."

Castiel felt his grace twist. "Don't touch him." he growled. Standing down in Heaven meant Raphael would start the Apocalypse all over again. Everything he and the Winchesters had fought to prevent, gone. Castiel felt the conflict tearing him apart. Dean was special, he knew that now. He needed him to be alright. But Castiel also remembered their fight; if it saves millions or billions, one sacrifice is worth it. Castiel knew if he said 'no', Raphael would likely torture and kill Dean, and probably go after Sam next for good measure. He knew what Dean would have said if he was still conscious.

"No." Castiel struggled to say.

The archangel dropped his hand from Dean's face, his mouth turning to a frown. "I'll let your followers live too, Castiel, as a bonus. I very much doubt you would leave Dean in the hands of the angels."

Castiel's gaze fell to the floor, his fingers clenching. "The Winchesters taught me that sometimes sacrifices are necessary to save millions."

"But they fight so they don't have to sacrifice the ones they love." Raphael pointed out. "Would you not do the same for Dean?"

This time Castiel's words came without much thought, and he believed them. "I would die for him, and I have. I would fight to my last breath to protect him. But I would not betray him by allowing him to live while millions suffer."

Farael sighed and swiftly dug the angel blade deep into Dean's side. Dean screamed in agony as the angel twisted the knife.

"No!" Castiel cried, but as he jumped forward he felt hands grab his arms and haul him back. Two more angels, Raphael's followers, appeared and held him. Castiel struggled as he watched his charge writhe and grind his teeth under the pressure of the knife. Farael tore the blade out and Dean slumped in the chains again, his eyes tightly shut and his breathing ragged. Blood seeped from the wound.

"He won't die, Castiel." Raphael said. "We'll keep him alive, let him feel every pain over and over again." As if to prove his point, Farael placed his and over the bloody wound and healed it.

"Please," Castiel pleaded. "Raphael, no. Just let him go."

The archangel looked surprised. "You're begging Castiel. That's new. Is this human so important, so worth your affection that you are willing to die yourself just so he may live?"

"Yes," Castiel said without hesitation. Looking back to Dean, he realized he was still conscious now, and for a moment their eyes locked. Dean had heard him.

"Will you stand down?" Raphael asked again.

Castiel kept his eyes on Dean, and the hunter, despite his pain, shook his head subtly. Castiel tried to tell himself Dean was right, he shouldn't give in, but he felt the tug of his grace at leaving Dean to suffer by Farael's hand.

"I refuse." Castiel said after a moment, though it sounded pained.

Raphael sighed. "Hold him back."

The order made Castiel jump as the angels tightened their grip on his arms. Raphael nodded to Farael who stepped towards Dean again. Castiel struggled as Dean swore and threatened the angel. Farael lifted his hand and dug it into Dean's stomach, pushing down to grip the human's soul. Dean strained and screamed, he fought the grip as he bit down hard. Tears welled in his eyes as he screwed them shut.

Castiel watched helplessly as his charge suffered and Farael glowed from absorbing his soul's energy. Through the screaming, Castiel heard Dean cry out his name, a shattered and desperate call that broke Castiel's already too human heart. Raphael watched Castiel react so painstakingly as Farael dug in deeper, a crooked smile on his lips.

"If you love him," Raphael said. "You would stop this. Stand down."

Castiel could feel the words on his tongue, _Yes, I'll stand down. Let Dean go,_ but he couldn't say them. Even as he watched Dean suffer in front of his eyes, he knew his charge would feel more pain knowing Castiel had sacrificed the world for him. It was selfish, and Castiel, though new to the concept of love, knew he couldn't let that get in the way.

"I won't."

Raphael laughed. "You are stronger than I thought. This human you adore so much, however, is not."

Farael pulled his hand out, and the room fell dark again. Dean's head lolled forward as he took heavy, laboured breaths. He hung limp from the chains as Raphael waved Farael away and approaching himself.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked nervously, watching the archangel approach his suffering charge. This was too much, Dean wasn't strong enough to endure this kind of pain. Raphael raised a hand to the side of Dean's face not covered with blood and pressed his hand to his head. Raphael closed his eyes. Dean's head shot up, his mouth agape. Castiel pulled against his captors as Dean breathed heavily, his eyes still closed.

Dark blue lines grew like veins across Dean's face from where Raphael's hand lay. Whatever the archangel was doing, Castiel did not recognize it, and he was fearful. He watched for what felt like hours before Raphael dropped his hand and let Dean's head fall limp again, the blue veins fading slowly from his face. Castiel could hear him shuddering and whimpering under his breath, his eyes full of a new kind of terror.

"What did you do?" Castiel demanded as the archangel turned to him.

Raphael shook his head slowly. "You will conform to my demands, one way, or another." Then he was gone. Farael and the angels holding him were gone too.

Castiel rushed to Dean's side. He grabbed the chains around his wrists and pulled with inhuman strength as they gave way and fell from the ceiling. Dean slumped as his arms fell to his sides. Castiel held him up with a firm hand on his chest as he eased Dean to the ground. His charge was still whimpering, sweat on his forehead, and Castiel could feel him shaking under his hand. The angel gently pulled Dean to his chest, laying his head under his chin.

"It's alright, Dean." Castiel whispered in an attempt to comfort him. "You're safe now, I'm here." Castiel held Dean's head with one hand and gently wrapped his other arm around his charge protectively. The action might have repulsed Dean if he was in his right mind, but instead he simply struggled to stay close, shivering and whimpering into Cas' trench coat.

Whatever Raphael had done, Dean was suffering, and Castiel could only sit and hold him. He didn't know what to do, and he considered begging the archangel to come back and fix it, but he knew that would only happen if he surrendered. He also knew he couldn't even fly Dean out of there, or heal his physical wounds. As soon as he'd entered the abandoned warehouse, he'd felt the presence of spells designed to render him powerless.

Dean grabbed his lapel tightly. "Cas, you gotta stay. Please, don't-don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere." Castiel wished more than anything just to know what was going on inside Dean's head that was causing him to suffer this way. He absently ran his fingers through Dean's hair as the hunter curled further into his arms, still shaking and letting pained noises escape his throat. Castiel brought his hand from Dean's hair to his face and found his cheeks were wet. He softly rubbed the tears off Dean's cheeks and, unsure of what else to do to comfort his charge, pressed a kiss into his hair.

"You can make this stop."

Castiel turned to gaze up at Raphael looming over him. "What did you do to him?"

"I brought back all those nasty memories of Hell." Raphael said simply. "All the torture and pain, all in vivid detail. Even brought back his memories of his parents and his brother dying, you too. His feelings for his family I understand, but he had a stronger feeling of distress over your deaths too."

Castiel bowed his head, holding Dean tighter, as if somehow it would help. "Fix him, please."

"I can. All you have to do is stand down." Raphael watched the younger angel in silence. "My patience is growing thin, Castiel. Take the offer, or I smite you and your beloved human."

"The Apocalypse doesn't have to happen, Raphael." Castiel spat, keeping his chin pressed to the top of Dean's head. "We can start a new day in Heaven, with freedom, with-."

"We weren't made for freedom, Castiel." Raphael interrupted. "The Host of Heaven are made to follow the will of God. Even without our father, we must finish the story the way it was written."

The two angels returned and grabbed Castiel's arms. The move was so sudden that Castiel was pulled all the way to his feet before he started fighting and struggling. Dean slowly lay himself to the floor, curled in on himself and whimpering, one hand reaching out helplessly for Cas. Raphael threw his fist to Castiel's gut, the younger angel doubling over and ceasing struggling as he received another blow to his gut. Raphael lifted his head as he drove his knee into his gut, and this time Castiel was released and fell to the floor.

"I make my offer one last time." Raphael knelt and cupped Castiel's chin in his hand. "Stand down."

It was so hard now. Castiel could feel his hope failing, could see Dean, his charge, his friend... his _love_, suffering because of him. He knew what would befall himself, his charge and his followers in Heaven if he refused. Castiel bowed his head, struggling to his feet in front of Raphael.

"Just let him live. Let them all live. You can smite me, just let Dean live." Castiel knew his unspoken words, _kill me, please. So I don't have to see Dean's look of disappointment. _

"Do you surrender, in Heaven and on Earth?" Raphael asked.

Castiel took a heavy breath into his vessel's lungs. "I do."

"Good." Raphael moved to hover over Dean. Castiel watched as Raphael gripped his lapel and dragged the shivering human to his feet. Castiel was uncomfortable with the violent manner which he treated his charge with, but he didn't move. Raphael put his and to Dean's head for a brief moment. Dean's head snapped back and his eyes shot open. When Raphael released him, Dean was breathing heavily, his eyes darting to see his surroundings. Castiel could see his knees shaking.

"Cas," he muttered after a moment, their eyes meeting and a shy smile playing at his lips. Before Castiel realised either of them had moved, Dean's arms were around him, holding him tightly but gently. Though unaccustomed to hugging, Castiel returned the gesture, his head falling to rest against Dean's neck.

"Hello, Dean."

He heard Dean chuckle. "After all this, that's all you have to say?"

Castiel didn't answer. He understood the sarcasm though, and allowed himself to smile into Dean's shoulder. He forgot the company they were in.

"This is just sickening." Raphael said bitterly.

Castiel was suddenly pulled away by the angels, confused and angry. Raphael grabbed Dean by his shoulder tightly and turned him to face the archangel. Castiel watched as a blade slipped from Raphael's sleeve. His whole being went into shock.

"No, no, no!"

Raphael impaled Dean on the sword, the tip sticking out from his back. All Dean could do was choke, his breath leaving him and pain searing his chest. Castiel cried out his name, fighting with a new strength to get to him. As Raphael tore the blade from the human's chest, Castiel pulled free, catching Dean as he crumbled to the ground. He held him in his arm, Dean's head falling into the crook of Cas' elbow.

"You said you wouldn't..." Castiel said, feeling so many emotions he didn't know he possessed.

Raphael laughed. "This is a lesson, Castiel. You are paying the price for your arrogance."

Castiel watched Dean's eyes try to focus on him as he choked on his blood. "I can-I can bring him back."

"Not when I'm through with him." Raphael said simply. "I'm sparing you and your followers, Castiel. But you will never walk among the Holy Host again. You must walk the earth without your charge. This human love you feel will be your downfall. It _is_ your downfall."

"Raphael, please." Castiel pleaded.

"Farewell, Castiel." And he was gone, silence and darkness taking over again.

Castiel pressed his forehead to Dean's, listening to his charge choke and cough. For the first time, Castiel felt and understood the new emotions. This was pain, and despair. This was his love, destroying him slowly. He'd only just discovered the feeling, and now it was being ripped from him.

"...Cas..." Dean wheezed.

Castiel kept their foreheads pressed together. "Dean, it's alright. It's gonna be alright. I'm here, I've got you, and I'm not gonna leave you."

"It hurts," Dean whimpered, his body beginning to shake.

Castiel held him tighter to his body. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean said something that made the grace inside of Castiel twist. "I don't wanna die, Cas."

Castiel felt water, and he realized he was experiencing another human trait; crying. He felt the water roll down his cheek, but was uncaring.

"I know, Dean. I know, just stay with me."

"I wanna live, Cas." Dean said, blood slipping between his lips. "I don't- I don't wanna g-go."

"Please, Dean, you don't have to go. I'm here, I'll always be here for you." Castiel pleaded.

"That's love, Cas." Dean said, almost smiling despite himself. "Your an a-angel. You can't feel-feel love."

"I do, Dean." Castiel admitted finally, holding the fading human closer. "I know now, I do. I _need_ you to be here, to be okay."

With some strain, Dean tilted his head an pressed a soft kiss to Cas' lips, a split second of bliss that made Castiel feel whole, just for a moment, then it was gone.

Dean's head lolled into Castiel's arm again, his eyelids falling, and his breathing was becoming harder to hear. "I can hear humming."

Castiel looked to the green eyes, fading fast. "Humming?" It took Castiel a moment of cleared thought to remember what Dean meant. "It's grace. My grace. You're breaching the veil, Dean. What does it sound like?"

"Soft," Dean mumbled. "Your grace, it-sings when p-people die?"

"An angel's lament." Castiel muttered, crying still. "Let it guide you, Dean."

"Will you be there?" Dean asked, his voice slurring. He was so far gone now. "Will you be in Heaven?"

The question made Castiel ache. "I-can't. I'm sorry, Dean. "

"Sammy..."

"I'll protect him, I promise."

Dean fell silent, his eyes falling shut finally. "I don't-Cas..."

Then silence. Dean went still in the angels arms. Castiel cried his name softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead in a last attempt of affection. Dean was in Heaven, and Castiel knew he could not enter there, the archangel would make sure of that. Castiel sat with Dean cradled in his arms for a long time. He felt the heartache and pain; all the emotions angels shouldn't feel. But _he_ did, every single one. He hated it. This wasn't fair.

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><p>Considering this is my first fanfic, reviews would be greatly appreciated.<p> 


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